Apparently, I Need to Go to Bed… Learning to Trust God and Rest

10 minutes ago

3 min read

I need to be honest with you about something I’m working through.

I’ve been staying up until two or three in the morning working. And in my head, there’s always a reason. I need to finish this. I need to fix that. Let me get this one more thing done…

Except there is ALWAYS one more thing.

And underneath all of that, I’m realizing how much I still depend on my own ability to make things happen. My skills. My brain. My work. How much I can get done before I finally close my laptop.

Building for God… but leaving Him out of the conversation

A conversation with a close friend recently confirmed something I’d already been feeling. I’ve been distracted. I can feel the pull to spend more time in prayer and in my Word, but I keep getting caught up in everything I’m building.

I’m getting so caught up in what I’m building FOR God that I’m not keeping Him in the conversation.

That was hard to write in my journal. But it was honest.

I’ve been reading Psalm 127:1–2 in the NLT. It begins, “Unless the LORD builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted.” Then verse two addresses working anxiously from early morning until late at night and reminds us that God gives His loved ones rest.

Friend… early morning until late at night? I felt addressed personally. 😭

Because I can say I trust God with this vision but then live like the entire outcome depends on how much I can produce today. I can pray for His direction and then fill every available moment with work instead of making room to listen.

Working harder doesn’t put me in control

Here’s one of the things I wrote down as I sat with that scripture:

Working harder doesn’t put me in control of the outcome.

I have responsibilities. There is work for me to do, and I want to do it well. But my effort cannot replace my dependence on God. He needs to be at the center of what I’m building… including how I’m building it.

And if I keep pushing past the time I know I need to spend with Him, or the rest I know I need, I have to be willing to ask myself why it feels so hard to stop.

What am I expecting one more hour of work to settle for me? And when I finish that task, will I actually let myself rest… or will I find another reason to keep going?

Those are questions I’m having to sit with.

God is still working even when I’m not

I don’t have to live like everything depends on me.

I’m sharing this while I’m still working through it. I’m asking God to help me loosen my grip, deepen my trust, and stop treating every unfinished task like something I have to handle before I’m allowed to rest.

I talk a lot about stewarding what God gave us. And right now, I’m having to look at how I’m caring for my relationship with Him, my time, and my body while I do that.

I want to make room for prayer without rushing through it to get back to work. I want to read my Bible without mentally organizing my next task. And when it’s time to close my laptop, I want to be able to leave something unfinished without treating it like I’ve failed.

So, if you’ve been carrying that same “I have to, I have to, I have to” pressure… sit with Psalm 127:1–2 this week. I’m sitting with it too.

What do you feel like you have to keep carrying because you’re afraid of what will happen if you stop?